Main Entry: semi·con·scious
: incompletely conscious : imperfectly aware or responsive
— semi·con·scious·ness noun
I feel like I’ve been semiconscious for the last few years. I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing- but it’s a bizarre feeling. You know that feeling you get when you pull into your driveway after work and realize you don’t remember anything after the first intersection? Multiply that by about four years.
It started when I started working. Starting the week after my high school graduation, I was an administrative assistant for three years. I got stuck in the rut of waking up, going to work, going home, going to sleep, lather, rinse, repeat. The days started to blur together as my tasks were mediocre at best and therefore, not particularly memorable.
The next semester, I joined my sorority. I had the time of my life as a sister, and don’t regret it at all. But between a full time job, going to school full time & all the charity events, social events, competitions and meetings with my chapter, I always had too much going on to focus on just one thing for any length of time. This caused me to just “get by” with all of them- I managed (just barely) to stay awake at work, got A’s & B’s (instead of my normal straight A’s) in my classes and showed up for everything for the chapter- even though I usually didn’t have time to be involved in whatever it was, I was there to show my support.
My life continued like that for two more years, a constantly repeating cycle of work, school, and social life. Once in awhile, something new happened: I brought a rescue dog home (and my dad subsequently started charging me rent- what he called “dog fees”), the dog attacked my dad- three times, I put said dog up for adoption (which broke my heart, but I knew I’d have kids and couldn’t have a vicious dog, not to mention he was unwelcome in my dad’s home for obvious reasons), Hubby and I rescued another dog (Bella!) and my cat ran away and hid in a tree for three days.
I laugh at my nativity now- granted, I didn’t know I would have a child quite yet, but now I feel like I wasted so much energy wishing time would slow down. Somehow, each day seems shorter than the last.
I’m trying hard to work on living in the moment instead of worrying what I’m going to do next, what I did before, or what I could be doing instead. Time is relative, but it’s also limited. &I plan on using mine wisely.